"If I died tomorrow, what of all that I am inside would I have left behind me?" I asked myself one day.
And when the answer was "Nothing", that moment changed my life. My inner wisdom would have died with me.
I'd had a whisper inside me for years that said "You've got much to give and share with the world" - I'll bet you can relate. I'd not lived through all the pains, struggles, hard work, lessons I had, just to leave this world without my triumphant growth to show for it. Nor for my desire to help heal others, and gratitude for life, to die with me. I wanted to leave my hard-earned wisdom behind as a gift for others to learn, heal, grow from. At the very least, my own children.
That day, realising I hadn't yet started to manifest that vision, sledge-hammered my heart. After all these years, why was I still dreaming, not doing anything tangible about it?
One thing was tucking away the wise, spiritual part of me, because it'd always been a solitary, personal, internal thing. Not knowing how to integrate that with 'normal' life (i.e. mothering, working), I mostly sacrificed that part of me. Of course, that never ultimately works - like pushing a balloon under water, it only forces its way back up even harder. The whisper got louder over time. I knew I had more to be, grow, give, experience than what I'd done so far.
Another was telling myself "I'm not ready yet, or experienced enough to know how to teach it". What rubbish! After 24 years on my conscious growth journey - I was experienced! It was only fear in disguise. Fear of failure, judgement, not being 'good enough'. Who else can relate to this?
I'd been telling myself those limiting beliefs for years now. I'm a mature, spiritual woman... What on earth did I need more time for? And what if my time unexpectedly ran out? What then, of all the lessons, pains, challenges, tenacity? Was that all for nothing? Of course not! What of all the wisdom and heart I've grown all these years?
The purpose of my life is bigger than merely enjoying the fruits of my labours solely for myself - it's to inspire and help others become empowered, whole, meaningful. Holding hands with those on their journey of awakening. Who else, but me? And if not now, then when?
That day, I realised I was enough. I took action. Perfection is an illusion, and waiting for perfection was really me being scared to give what I could now, worried I wasn't enough.
Since then, I've continued growing, expanding, evolving, understanding true generosity. My experiences, opportunities, learnings have grown. Relationships, interactions with others, reached new levels. My gratitude, expanded. We'll always grow, and be better than we are today. And there'll always people behind us in the journey who'd love to know what we know.
What have your whispers been calling you to do??